Time really does fly. I've been hunkered down working on developing my online presence to try to find contract work.

I was abruptly let go two months ago after giving my all to the company which unfortunately turned out to be run by toxic people that only cared about the bottom line. 16 hour days for months became worth noting to them. Lesson learned and as Jim Rohn said "work harder on yourself than you do on your job." Such a great speaker and mentor.

A bit more context about me. I was diagnosed with ADHD and Bipolar Affective Disorder Type II. The meds came and kept increasing and they have helped albeit I believe I'm over medicated now. I'm writing about this in case somebody else is facing a similar situation. If in doubt, seek help and don't be afraid of the medication. Do your due diligence to ensure you know what you're getting into but don't fear it. It could save your life. Beyond the medication, Fight or Die.

I have these tattooed on my arms for god's sake. How could I let such things as emotions hold me under the water long enough that I forget what it's like to breathe air.

For those that don't know, Memento Mori roughly translates to "remember you will die" and Amor Fati to "the love of faith or whatever happens".

The chains are from the game Bioshock and they're meant to signify not to be a victim to your own thoughts, the game's protagonist was essentially mind controlled.

Stoicism, meditation and intention are what will get me through in the end.

My brain battered at me to have the first post be called #1, since its the start of the journey. However three days ago I was on the beach looking out and feeling down and depressed and I wanted to die. I've been having suicidal thoughts on and off and it's been happening for years. So while looking out at the ocean I realised that I have two options: Fight or Die.

I can lie down and cry and slowly deteriorate into a nothingness and die or get up, look around and start building myself up. Now I've been down this road many a time with self help books and motivational clips and I do get by for a few weeks or months. Now however its different, now it's personal and a motto that I will live by. Fight or Die.